


Cycle

by Lidsworth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Angst, Implied Neglect, Jealousy, M/M, implied emotional abuse, talks of sad childhoods, thranto - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 01:46:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12948639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: Thrawn does not  get jealous, certainly not when said jealousy revolves around Eli Vanto.





	Cycle

**Author's Note:**

> A little angsty, Thrawn-centric thranto fic. Reblog if you like it, and comments are much appreciated! I’m my own beta, so beware of mistakes!  
> I'm my own beta so beware of mistakes! Do tell me what you think and check out my [tumblr](https://inkstranger.tumblr.com/)!

Thrawn is not jealous. The chiss does not  _ get  _ jealous, only because the sensation is so unfamiliar to him. He has of course,  _ read  _ about jealousy, and knows the theories of jealousy as well as the concept behind it (Eli having been his best case study in the past). 

 

Yet he has never experiences the sensation. 

 

But there is a part of him that  _ aches _ , and mourns the loss of  _ what could have been  _ (what  _ should  _ have been) whenever the Vantos gather together. 

Contrary to Thrawn’s previous beliefs about Eli and his relation to his family, the young commander had absolutely adored both his mother and father whenever they weren’t doting on, or nagging him--as he called it.

 

Their constant attention seems to be the source of Eli’s displeasure in public, and like any child, he was very, very vocal about his distaste towards their relentless PDA (though that never seemed to stop his parents from hugging and kissing him). 

 

Thrawn wondered if Eli realized how fortunate he was to have such attention. As a younger chiss, Thrawn never received so much as a pat on the back from his family. Arguably, it hadn’t bothered him. Not before he’d met Eli--not until he’d been invited into to his home where the imperial was “free” to return his parents advances. 

 

Not until he’d realized what he’d  _ sorely  _ been lacking. Not until he realized something had gone terrible wrong in his childhood. 

 

Irrational anger simmers slightly beneath his skin, and he forces himself to turn away from Mrs. Vanto and Eli, who stand a small distance away from him in the kitchen, staring at him, concerned. 

  
“He’s not used to being around people?” His enhanced hearing picks up on a conversation between Eli and his mother. She thinks she’s being silent, but the Chiss’ hearing has been honed to pick up a pen drop. Aware of this,  Eli responds in hushed tones, “He can probably hear you, ma. Keep your voice down.” 

 

Unbeknownst to Eli, Thrawn can hear everything. 

  
He never shared with Eli the full extent of his hearing,  due to his past suspicion that he was a Neimoidian spy. He never had the chance to correct his error, and is all the more glad for it. 

 

“He’s...not he’s not used to affection, he’s probably just weirded out by all of the…” 

 

“Oh dear, was I wrong to hug him?”

 

“No, ma. It’s just going to take some getting used to,” Eli suggest, “That’s why I brought him here.”

 

Whether or not Eli  considers that Thrawn is an alien with different customs,  the chiss does not know. Yet there are times when the ebony skinned man seems to think he isn’t, times he goes in for a hug while Thrawn draws back, or is met with the cool surface of a turned cheek instead of the lips humans are usually accustomed to. 

 

Though Eli knows Thrawn and his people well enough to know that his apprehensions towards physical affection does not lie solely with the fact that he is a chiss. There is much,  _ much  _ more.  

 

That said, the admiral is...touched that Eli has gone out of his way to include him in his family (and he wonders, vaguely, how much Thrass has to do with this). 

 

But seeing a functional family does little good for Thrawn (which is why he has isolated himself from Mrs. Vanto and her son, and feigns interest in the fading wallpaper of  their sitting room, that lines the living room wall). 

 

Certainly not when their familial ties conjure up thought of his own family, or lack of one. 

  
He can’t recall this last time his….parent (if you could even call him that) looked at like  _ that _ . Looked at him at him as if he  _ cared.  _ Looked at him with such love and warmth.  Thrawn cannot recall any  _ warmth  _ in his life, not before Eli, not even with Thrass. 

 

For all his time in Csilla, he was cold. The irony is not lost on him. He never felt warm until he entered a relationship with Eli. And even now, the feeling is only fleeting.. 

 

But Eli is warm, even  _ without  _ Thrawn. Regardless, Eli is warm. Has been warm since he was born. 

 

And Thrawn….doesn’t know how to feel. 

 

He’s used to have “one up” on Eli (as the younger man called it himself), not the other way around. Not in the way it matters in the end. 

 

And that bothers Thrawn. Bothers him in a way that his constant success must have bothered Eli. 

_ I hate to admit it, but i’m envious of you sometimes Thrawn,  _ he recalls his partner saying something of that nature, after a particularly successful strategy on Thrawn’s part, a strategy that had, not unsurprisingly, overshadowed Eli’s wit and halted his military career. 

 

Then, Thrawn had done his best to empathize with Eli. He had failed, of course, and his supposed indifference had only furthered the gap between he and his future partner. 

 

But now, things are different.

 

Eli is empathizing with  _ him.  _

 

And had Thrawn been the alien he was years ago, he would have believed Eli had done this on purpose, out of spite. 

 

“Thrawn--” The alien gasps, red eyes refocusing on the flower patterns that swirl on the wallpaper-- “You’ve been standing here for an hour? Would you like to sit down, do you need something to drink?” 

 

He can’t recall the last time he was so deep in thought that Eli startled him, and by the way that the younger man’s dark brow rises, he notices it too. 

 

“Is everything alright with you Thrawn? You look out of it.” 

  
“I’m fine,” he lies, smiling half heartedly as he turns to Eli, “I was simply observing your parents’ wallpaper.” 

 

“Mmhm,” Eli says, disbelieving, disappointment settling on his dark features, “For an hour.” 

  
“You had something you wanted to show me?” He changes the subject, and the darker man sighs. 

 

“Fine, be like that,” Eli counters, “But we’re gonna talk later on.” 

  
Thrawn silently agrees, much to Eli’s relief. 

 

“Now let’s go, you’re going to talk to my mom,” Eli doesn’t give Thrawn a chance to protest, only grabs him by the sleeve and pulls him towards the kitchen.. 

 

He feels warmth with Eli, and naturally, it will grow with Mr. and Mrs. Vanto. At least he hopes (and maybe the jealousy will end). 

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short, Tharwn is Jealous of Eli for having a happy life. Eli tries to fix this by introducing Thrawn to his family. Thrawn responds by isolating himself for an hour and thinking about how much is childhood sucked :D  
> Mr. Vanto is out! He’s getting something from the store so he can go cook the food. 
> 
> Thrawn is such a tragic character to me and I don’t even know anything about him XD I see Eli as the exact opposite, which is why the gravitate towards each other so much. 
> 
> Hope you like it!


End file.
